The Wizard of the USB Socket (Regional Train)

6.15pm train, full carriage, broken air conditioning. I take out the cable to charge the phone, which is at 4%. As I reach for the hold under the window, a hand blocks my wrist. A grip of steel. It’s the gentleman sitting opposite. Briefcase on his knees, loosened tie, the look of someone who knows a lot.

“Stopped. Don’t do it.” “Excuse me? My phone’s dead.” He shakes his head, terrified. «That’s not clean current. That’s dirty current.” I withdraw my hand, perplexed. “Dirty in what way?”

He leans forward, lowering his voice so as not to be heard by the conductor passing in the corridor. «The train runs on 3000 volts, right? That potholder over there converts to 220, and then your loader takes it to 5. Too many steps. In each step, electron packets are lost. If you plug in your phone now, while the train is accelerating, the engine frequency goes into your battery.” He takes a scenic break. «Lithium bloats you up. Have you ever seen those exploding phones? Here you are. It is not a factory defect. These are people who loaded onto the Regionale Veloce.»

I try to say that I have a certified original charger. He smiles bitterly. “Worse. The original chargers have the hidden NFC chip. Do you know what the USB socket on the train is for? It’s bidirectional. You get energy, they get data. While you upload that 10%, the Railways downloads your address book, photos, everything. They use it to profile you and sell you tickets at a higher price on Fridays. It’s the dynamic algorithm.”

He opens his briefcase. He takes out a power bank wrapped in black electrical tape, the size of a brick. «I only use this. Charged at home, at night, with the plug removed from the wall as soon as it reaches 99%. Never 100%, otherwise the server will notice that you are connected. Here, use mine. It’s on me. Don’t give away your details to the train conductor.”

I attached my phone to its black brick out of kindness. It came naturally to me to adopt him.

From: Adopt a functional illiterate