A Science Fair Story Free Beer and Hot Wings Can’t Believe

Hi Idiots.

There are a few things in the course of your formative years that are super important for completing the Schooling Checklist. You know, dodgeball, get stuffed in a locker, eat a terrible school lunch, awkwardly sit through an anatomy class, hate (or love?) an assembly featuring a random guest, and participate in the school science fair. 

Now, I absolutely loved the science fair growing up. I would enter every year, whether I had a project or not. One time, I made a project about magnets the morning of the show, and my research was just copying multiple fun facts and grabbing a stuffed animal with magnets all over it. My science fair life wasn’t the most memorable thing, but that wasn’t always the case for others.

Take, for example, the peak of any kid’s science fair: the baking soda volcano. The one experiment that has somehow managed to stay relevant as the pinnacle of science. At my school, these got banned from the science fair because so many kids were doing them, and it was a total mess.

Steve was the only one on the show to actually partake in a science fair, and he made the papier-mache legend, painted it brown, mixed up some baking soda and food coloring, and “made that b**** erupt.”

Just because no one else had a science fair didn’t mean they didn’t have science oddities. Kelly once had a biology teacher who made each student collect 50 bugs and present them, leading the entire school on an absurd bug hunt.

READ MORE: Inside Kelly’s Chaotic Holiday Break and Travel Troubles

Hot Wings blew things up, Maitlynn had to make a bridge out of toothpicks and hot glue, and Free Beer did nothing because he was too busy shooting hoops in shorts that were far too tight.