Have you wondered about kindness lately? In our fast-paced and highly competitive world, it seems that kindness is better reserved for special people like the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa than for the average person trying to survive.
This reminds me of a quote often attributed to baseball player and manager Leo Durocher: In fact, Durocher even named his book with the same words, “Nice guys finish last.”
As you can imagine, Durocher believed that above all else, winning was the only thing that mattered.
Being that we live in a fiercely competitive environment where winning is highly valued, many might believe Durocher got it right.
So, that raises an interesting question: Is there a place for kindness to even exist in our modern world? Or is kindness an outmoded concept that should be relegated to the trash bin of history?
Winning With Kindness
Before we toss kindness into the garbage, let me share a very different quote, this one from Robert Louis Stevenson. It was in a letter that he wrote, “It is the history of our kindnesses that alone make this world tolerable. If it were not for that, for the effect of kind words, kind looks, kind letters … I should be inclined to think our life a practical jest in the worst possible spirit.”
In one sense, he was talking about mindfulness. That’s because mindfulness is much about reducing harm. Kindness accomplishes the same thing, and it requires a similar kind of mental self-discipline and attention that overcomes knee-jerk reactivity. In fact, I would suggest that because of today’s emphasis on winning, we need to think of kindness as another kind of winning. Let me explain.
Kindness is a form of winning because it invites positive energy, caring, love and support into the world and our relationships. It gives us the bigger picture of what is truly important. It fosters the broadening of one’s attention in a way that is optimistic and less stark than simply focusing on the duality of winner and loser.
Here’s a third quote that I included in my book Simply Mindful Reflections:
The winner sows hatred because the loser suffers. Let go of winning and losing, and find joy.”
Those words were intoned by The Buddha, and they offer us a wonderful reminder that when winning is no longer paramount, then it is possible to conquer seeds of mistrust and division. Kindness means that when you talk someone, you don’t need to bang heads with them! Rather, you can make a commitment to dialogue with another by using empathy and openness.
Interestingly, the word “discussion” is related to “percussion,” which means to bang on something. But the word “dialogue” can be understood as meaning “through word.” When you dialogue, you use words as a vehicle by which to mutually seek understanding and truth. Thus, you also cultivate peace with others in your communication. Attempting to convince another of your point of view is really just banging on your drum and not really listening.
Conclusion
How can you be kind today? What will your kindness look like and sound like? Kindness is unique to you, and that’s the beauty of it. You can allow your heart and mind and ears (all the pores of your body, actually) to be open to the moment and the beauty that kindness allows to take root.
Don’t be limited in your kindness. You may discover that kindness begets kindness. Keep a kindness journal and see how it transforms your day and the day of those in your world. You are the one who makes kindness count!