So here’s what I’m learning: If we had more communities delivering messages of inclusion instead of silencing them, all our families would flourish. And now, more than ever, we need messages of positivity and belonging. It never ceases to amaze me how loving and accepting people can be, bringing hope to a world of division.
Ever since the film I directed and produced, Mom, I Have Something to Tell You, was released—to my great joy, it has been selected for film festivals and is accumulating awards—I’ve been struck by the truth it underlines: We’re better together.
The nature of the documentary itself gives a clue: It’s the result of years of effort, traveling across the country interviewing gay men and their mothers, exploring the profound effect this relationship has in the lives of these men. Gay boys often grow up with some trauma, but when they have the support and acceptance of their mothers, the traumatic effects can be mitigated.
And now, as I’m again crisscrossing the country, attending film viewings and leading discussions, I’m seeing the profound effect it has on audiences. In fact, that response has been nothing short of amazing. I watch them as they watch the film, and so I see them laugh, cry, gasp—and relate to what’s transpiring on-screen. So many people are feeling seen, heard, acknowledged. There’s a spark that occurs when these experiences are shared with each other.
And those experiences have sometimes been heartbreaking. Many members of the LGBTQ+ community have had some trauma in their early lives. Gay men in particular have seen so many negative images in social media that we’ve often gone down a spiral that’s destructive.
So when these people and their families and allies see this film, it’s an inspirational moment: We instantly perk up and realize we haven’t lost our ability to feel good and be optimistic. It reminds people of the power and beauty of relationships we forget to tap into and value. At every screening, I get to appreciate the audience’s laughter and tears, the connections, the sheer joy in the room as people reflect on their own relationships and are reminded of what—and who—matters in their lives: It’s a source of inspiration for everyone. Takeaway: Remember who nourishes and supports you, and do not take these relationships for granted.
In San Francisco, I got to see another inspirational documentary: Bloodroots: A Culinary Uprising tells the story of a lesbian-owned vegan restaurant that opened in the 1970s in Bridgeport, Connecticut. It became an important New England feminist collective, a true community that is amazingly still open and going strong. It was so inspiring to see this evolution of feminism through the eyes of the two women who founded it. These are the stories we need to be telling; this is the kind of community we should be creating.
The work that inspired Mom, I Have Something to Tell You has been part of my life’s work as a therapist specializing in helping gay men and male couples work through the traumas of their past and find satisfaction in their lives. It was because of them that I founded Gay Sons and Mothers as a vehicle for educating both the LGBTQ+ community and the larger world.
Together, the nonprofit organization and the documentary have highlighted the struggles LGBTQ+ people and their families experience every day—which unfortunately often consist of anxiety, depression, isolation and even suicidal ideation; but the film speaks of hope as it delivers a reminder—and examples—of people who have surmounted these challenges and gotten to a better place with their lives, their relationships, and their self-identity and esteem.
To me, what’s been inspiring is sharing the film and having audiences respond about their own families and experiences of being gay/having gay family members. Moments like this remind me of the places and events where the gay community receives inspiration and hope. It reminds us all of the need to work and play and reflect together in positive ways that support each other.
Click here for more about the film and when and where you can view it. And I encourage everyone to find ways to acknowledge the deep relationships we all have with our mothers and bring that sense of grounding and support into all of our communities.