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    I plotted the frequency of my sexual activity through my adult life [OC]
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    I plotted the frequency of my sexual activity through my adult life [OC]


    I was thinking the other day about how the amount of sex I've been having with my wife has plummeted since having children, and so I decided to plot a chart to visualize what the difference looks like compared to earlier in our relationship, and to when I was single. I figured the best way to compare the data was to estimate the average number of times I had sex per month, for each year of my life. My data up to age 24 is 100% accurate. From 25 on it's just an estimate, but I'm pretty good at estimating. What do you think? Is my experience typical? Any young people looking at this and fearful of the future?

    Background: I am a 40 year old straight man, 5'11.5", weight has been between 150 and 195lbs during my adult life, but usually between 170-180lbs. My fitness level started as above average at 18, progressed to well above average by 27, then declined to above average again at age 35, where it remains. I think I'm probably above average in looks, but below average in charisma. I have a bachelor's degree in engineering and a good job. We're not rich enough to have a nanny, but we don't have to worry about money either.

    Significant events influencing the data:

    -First girlfriend at age 25.5, which lasted about 7 months

    -Was involved with more than a dozen women from age 26 – 28, including 2 fairly successful fwb relationships at age 27 + 28, however there were also dry spells.

    -Met my wife shortly before my 29th birthday

    -Married at age 33

    -First child at age 34

    -Second child at age 37

    Source: Me

    Tools used: Excel

    Posted by Golding666

    View 36 Comments

    36 Comments

    2. Anon-Sham on

      Those peak years are insane numbers.

      My peak was probably late teens and I dont think I would have ever gone past 20 a month, even 15 a month isnt a certainty.

    6. Fair-Working4401 on

      0.08 at 23

      “My data to 24 is 100% accurate”

      Yeah, so the 0.08 is how deep you where “in” ?

    7. WonLastTriangle2 on

      Instead of caluclating the decrease in sex maybe you should be discussing how to increase intimacy (whether it be by sex or not) as well as increasing sexual satisfaction for both partners  

      (Even if it means using communications, scenarios, aides, that you hadn’t previously considered)

    8. sharkykid on

      Are you satisfied with this frequency currently? If not, what do you wish it was and what have you tried to do to fix it?

      Any regrets having kids?

    9. External876 on

      It is insane how having a child leads to so many dead bedrooms. From nearly once-per-day, to once a month. Your situation is not unique, unfortunately.

    10. lo_fi_ho on

      Hmm, I’m 45M and having the most sex I’ve ever had. But then again, I wasn’t that sexually active until my 40’s, mostly due to low self esteem.

    11. Useful-Refuse-1703 on

      This one post could convince thousands of people that all of their preconceived notions about Reddit are true

    13. PloddingClot on

      I’ll be 50 next year, married at 26, two kids are 19 and 21, this chart is accurate, other than the almost every day when you we 29 and 30, you animal.

    14. Unique-Reception-678 on

      The Data pesentation ist not too beautuful, but absolutely fits the needs, and I’m thankful for the insight in your sex life. Interesting and I can relate to it, esp. to a drop after kids (but I think you dropped too low and for too long, discuss with spouse!)

    17. Lumpy_Dentist_5421 on

      Correct to say that you lost your virginity at 23, had sex once then? And then nothing for 2 years. Curious to understand the late start and the 2 year gap between popping your cherry and becoming more sexually active.

    19. duhvorced on

      >My data up to age 24 is 100% accurate.

      You mean the one time you had sex prior to that? 😏

      >From 25 on it’s just an estimate, but I’m pretty good at estimating.

      In other words this is completely subjective “data”. At a minimum, you should ask your wife to estimate the numbers for your time together to see how closely they match, so the data is at least based on more than one person’s recollection.

    21. HyperMajoris on

      20+ times a month for 3 years… damn man, by any chance you were in prison with your wife during that time?

    22. mlee0000 on

      Coming from someone about the same age, that 0.5 times per month is still nothing to sneeze at.

    27. xenyakodo on

      I can see that a couple of other people have made suggestions along these lines, but it is something I feel strongly about so here goes: Would this graph look different if it charted ‘Moments spent enjoying my partner’s company on a emotionally intimate, platonic level’?

      My perspective as someone who has been in one relationship most of my life is that sex will end – whether because of kids or age or who knows what else might happen. I don’t know if you came here looking for advice, but in case you were – I suggest you try to remember what else you were getting out of your partnership and find a way to make those things happen more often.

    29. Top-Seaweed1862 on

      As an asexual person for me, it’s 0 (26M). But it’s interesting to see others are having fun 😄

    33. Decent_Historian42 on

      Young person here (im 18). Im not fearful. Infact this weirdly gives me hope. I always feel like im behind and that im not doing enough and that im running out of time. While i would say at right this moment im not bothered about dating and relationships as a whole (maybe i never will?) But seeing that your highest point is 30 (i think im bad at remembering numbers) kinda eases my Mind that when i turn 19 no one will want my talents or i suddenly wont be good enough especially since i work in writing its a very hard career to kick off. Though it does make me fearful for my 40s/50s but right now theyre miles away and i dont intend on making a routine for myself making the years fly by.