Carl Nolte: I asked AI to write like me. I wish I hadn’t

Artificial intelligence is everywhere these high-tech days. AI is doing everything: It’s behind a big boom in San Francisco. It’s behind layoffs of workers made redundant by AI. It is doing both things at the same time. It’s amazing.

My faithful companion and I were talking about it over dinner the other night. “AI can do everything,” she said. “It can even write your column,” she said. “It can be just like you. It can write on any topic, in your own style.”

She dialed up ChatGPT on her phone and spoke into it. “Can you write 10 paragraphs about San Francisco in the style of Carl Nolte?”

The text came instantly: “Certainly! Here’s a 10-paragraph article inspired by the style of Carl Nolte, focusing on a topic such as the charm of San Francisco.”

It came in a second, maybe less. Here’s a sample:

San Francisco, a city that dances on the edge of the Pacific, has a way of captivating the hearts of those who wander in its fog-laden streets. From the Golden Gate Bridge to the vibrant neighborhoods that pulse with life, this city is a tapestry woven with history, culture, and an undeniable spirit. It’s a place where the past and the present coexist, creating a  unique atmosphere that draws visitors from around the globe.

As the sun rises over the bay, the fog rolls in, wrapping the city in a soft embrace. It’s a familiar sight for locals, who have learned to appreciate the fleeting moments when the sun breaks through illuminating the colorful Victorian houses that line the hills. These Painted Ladies  stand as sentinels of a bygone era, each with its own story, echoing the dreams and struggles of those who came before.

And it goes on, with a walk through the Mission District to see the colorful murals, “the aroma of fresh tortillas and artisanal coffee wafts through the air, inviting passers-by to pause and savor the flavors of this diverse enclave.”

I gave up there, but you get the idea. AI had scanned some old columns, boiled them down to their essence and produced them in a flash, like instant coffee.

I was amazed. Did I really write like this? It was like looking in the mirror after a bad night and seeing myself, disheveled, bleary-eyed, at my 6 a.m. worst. 

For its part, AI was here to help. “Feel free to adjust any sections or themes as needed!” the text concluded. AI is on your side.

We wondered what else AI could do. How about a Shakespearean sonnet?

Upon a summer’s eve, when shadows play

The golden sun dips low beyond the hill

And whispers of the night begin to sway,

As stars awaken, twinkling, bright and still.

The gentle breeze doth carry scents of bloom

Where crickets serenade the coming dark

In nature’s arms there lies a sweet perfume

A tranquil peace that sets the heart to spark

Or AI in the style of Hemingway:

The sun was low in the sky, casting long shadows across the rugged terrain as he trudged onward, each step a testament to his resolve. The air was thick with the scent of earth and salt, a reminder of the sea that lay just beyond the hills. Adventure was a grand affair; it was the quiet thrill of the unknown, the pulse of life that quickened with every new horizon. He felt the weight of his pack, the familiar ache of his muscles, and he welcomed it, for it meant he was alive … 

It’s artificially amazing. Humans take hours to write, looking for the right words, thinking about themes and phrases. Writing is a craft usually, an art sometimes. Good writing is hard work. But now here it is, on your phone instantly. It can write anything — nonfiction, short stories, the Great American Novel.

I was thinking of an English class I took at the University of San Francisco long ago. The teacher was David Kirk, a gentle man who revered the English language. He sometimes talked about the power and grace and subtlety of English and how authors he admired used the language. It was a thing of beauty and thought. He would have been surprised by the new writing technology. But I don’t think he would have been pleased.