The first eleven

I wasn’t just a firefighter that day. I witnessed the moment when someone’s world came crashing down. Not because I’m brave, but because I had no choice. My hands were shaking, but not from fear… but from helplessness. Taking out people who only loved each other, who were only waiting for each other…you can’t forget that.

No one teaches us how to deal with it. We put out the flames, take out the bodies, but there is no one to put out what burns inside us afterwards. That whole day I kept everything inside me, while my wife and one-year-old daughter were waiting for me at home, which I didn’t even think about that day (which is very scary for me now that I think about it). I don’t know if it’s called professionalism, but it’s very ugly and selfish on my part. I didn’t even think about that until this moment. Maybe it’s because a large number of young children, families, ordinary passers-by were there, in front of me, trapped under several tons of concrete. And then, when I got home late at night, when I took off my uniform… just silence. And that silence broke me.

Sometimes it seems to me that I left a part of myself there, among those ruins, with them. That day, a part of me changed so much, my outlook on life, on people.

Don’t judge me, I’ve never told my wife, my friend, or my parents how I feel, mostly the answer is, it’s fine. But it’s been almost a year now, a year and no one damned answered. This rage and anger destroys me, because the fact that I was among those unfortunate people, whom I could have touched, and that I could eventually return home to my family, and they will never return to theirs…that kills me.

That’s why this evil needs to stop, that’s why we have to change first of all ourselves, so that we can fight against the arrogant regime, with the people who are responsible for that murder. To fight with "to people" for which I was in that place that day, witnessing the greatest tragedy that befell us.

Eternal glory to the victims, they live in us as long as we live…at least each of them will live in me. ♥️