Hello/Cześć/greetings everyone. I’ve been studying and living here for a couple of years now. I like the city, but I’ve noticed I really struggle to build deep, close friendships with locals outside of my university classes.
Back home, friendships are super casual. I could call a buddy and they’d cross the city just to keep me company while I go buy bread. I’m noticing that’s not really the vibe here, so I’m trying to figure out how people here actually build strong bonds.
I think a few things are making it tricky for me: I’m pretty introverted, and I don’t drink or go clubbing, which cuts out a lot of the usual ways people meet. Also, I’m the kind of person who really values deep, complex conversations over standard small talk. I’ve noticed a bit of a language hurdle with this- people here speak awesome English, but naturally, it gets tough for anyone to dive into really deep, nuanced, or philosophical stuff in a second language. It makes getting past that surface level a lot harder.
Since I have a girlfriend, I’m trying to dodge the ‘apps’ and just meet people organically. (I don’t think apps even work)
So how do people in their early 20s typically bond and build real connections here if they aren’t into the bar scene or have a shared hobby? What piece of the puzzle am I missing? Or is it just a me issue?
Context: 23M, non-Slavic. Also, accepting applications for homies. DMs are open!
(Added a random pic of the city I snapped to appease the visual attention seekers among us.)
https://i.redd.it/mtjpj936gyug1.png
Posted by Mother-Poem-2682
27 Comments
Sooo, not sure what to suggest in terms of people but starting with the city name could be helpful… 😉😅
„call a buddy and they’d cross the city just to keep me company while I go buy bread.” This sounds ridiculous to anyone beyond high-school age. An unrealistic expectation in any culture imo, especially if people are working and have their own plans/lives.
If language is a barrier, try expat groups. There is plenty of meet-ups of those on facebook
Would you be keen on joining clubs and societies they are available for all different fields like sports, games, comedy, languages etc and trust me like half of the people who join s club first time are introverts who then open up gradually and make pretty solid friendships. Also i barely have 2 polish friends rest everyone i talk to speaks English its mostly other nationalities. So if you are looking forward for polish friends that’s not possible with just English.
For what’s it worth, issues keeping relationships alive and such are global, whether you’re an immigrant or a local i think. Sure it’s harder to start from ‘scratch’ as an immigrant, but yeah.
When you find out how people meet organically let me know lol.
As an American who has Polish roots and who can also
Speak the language I also find it hard especially when you are new to the country but I have noticed from my personal experience it can be difficult because finding a social circle is hard especially as an adult.
People in their 20s go through break ups new relationships and friendships. It can be hard if you are introvert.
In Poland at least how I understand it is you need some mutuals people that you can be close to and trust. That’s what polish people value. But there are people out there you just need to find some common interests or hobbies.
So deep conversation or buddy bread walks?
No Polish person will admit to this but the best way to bond with one is to find something to bitch/moan about together, then take it from there.
90% of my friends are people ive met in school teenage years back in the day,the other 10% are people who ive got to know after turning 20 and its literally 2 dudes in like 6 years while one being my best friends cousin so…
its rare to meet and gain a new buddy every month,the reality is that you are lucky to befriend someone new once in 5 yrs….ofc if you want a real friend because on the other hand its easy to get into fake circle around here.
And im saying this as a native.
>>I’m pretty introverted, and I don’t drink or go clubbing, which cuts out a lot of the usual ways people meet.
Citation needed. Clubbing is a very niche hobby. Drinking is not, but people usually drink with people who are already their friends
Dude it’s the same everywhere not just in Poland lol
And about the deep level friendships.. I mean most people want this. The problem is that nobody wants to start it (including you)? Maybe? I don’t know. Maybe you should look to yourself first.
In my case, I’m introverted but I go out of my way to socialise , go to events, I try not turn down offers from people to go somewhere or do something.
All you need to do is keep trying until you find someone willing to make the same effort as you.
I think you might be missing the point that you made friends in school. Since you left that area those childhood relationships are not available. So you are now in a new school where most people know they will only be there for a few years so make more casual friendships (generally). Putting roots down hides a lot of meaning. As you get older this situation gets worse and worse as you move, unless you are one of those highlight of the party people.
– friendships are super casual
– literally crossing the city to keep one company when doing groceries
Those two don’t match. Casual means nothing serious. Crossing the city to keep someone company when doing a menial chore means there’s a deep level of friendship there (and honestly also a lack of focus and scope in life). I’m not in your age group, but I wouldn’t do that for my best friend. Damn son, I have a life and stuff to do. There’s only two people I’d do that for, my mom and my wife. If my friend(s) want to meet, they can do a grown-up thing, like invite me over to their place or to propose a proper activity to do together.
„Im the kind of person who really values deep, complex conversations over standard small talk”
Everyone thinks of himself this way. Also polish people hate smalltalk in general, so this is not the way.
I think that the key to polish people is to be an authentic, no bullshit person while at the same time having basic respect to the other person.
If you call someone to buy bread together they will literally think you are medically insane and are going to murder them at some point. Don’t do it please.
We distinguish three types of what in english is called friends:
Znajomi – people you know, often have their phone numbers, social media, wouldnt go for bread
Koledzy/koleżanki- friends, you can spend a lot of time with them, will come on your birthday, wedding, wouldnt go for bread unless you’re going on wódka after
Przyjaciele/przyjaciółki- best friends, usually small group, would tell you to buy bread for them to
You are young so you probably aim at przyjaciel who is also young and have enough time to go for that stupid bread.
I’ll be honest with you. I dont think you can best friend a Polak without knowing leanguage at least B2 level unless you two went on war togheter or something. Otherwise it take time to befriend polish person. Like others say, find some hobby group or stick to immigrants.
Ah yes, a fellow “deep philosophical debates while out and about to get bread (casual)” enjoyer.
its kinda like that in eastern europe, even history is tied to it – may i ask what country you’re from? non-slavic doesn’t mean much, as hungarian would feel like home, except for language, and brazillian would find this place prison
Don’t worry, we Poles can’t find friends/acquaintances either, and we speak the same language. It’s a global problem, I think.
I see u mentioned below it’s Warsaw. Let’s make it straight. U won’t make any friends there😂
Deep relationships are a lot harder with people who grew up in a different culture. Not an absolute rule but in large majority of cases, it is just so. Talking from the perspective of a long-time immigrant whose most friends are still Polish, and not natives of my adopted country.
The thing is – people may see you as temporary.
I don’t know your story, and many people you meet won’t either.
But if you are here just for studies – people won’t put an effort into befriending you, knowing in short time you’ll be gone. Because long distance friendships aren’t really friendships. What would my buddy from say Minnesota do if I call him and tell him I am in the hospital and my dig is all alone in my apartment? Or that I need my kid picked up from school because my car broke mid-traffic jam?
True friendships are tested in such fucked up conditions – who you gonna call? who will pick up? who will actually help?
As we get older we don’t have time for bullshit and surface level acquaintances.
Show people you truly planted roots here and bonds will start to form.
Im polis to, wasnt raised in PL tho and yes friendships are difficult here especially with students in warsaw. Wanna make some friends fo to the warsaw adjacent towns like ursus much more chill peoplw
If you are into RPG wargames or board games I suggest looking for local wargaming shops. They have events every day with different games where you can find like-minded people. Worked wonders for me and now I have many people to talk and spend time with.
Honestly? I really think they do. I was born in Poland but in my teens I went to study in the UK for a couple of years. When I came back, the mannerisms and the way I acted which I thought was friendly, people would call me gay and Polish don’t really like gays too much lol
I think it comes down to your hobbies and social areas. 60% of the friends I made here are either from uni or work, 20% I’ve known for years before moving here and the last 20% I met doing hobbies.
I’ve met people who like photography, cars and racing like I do, they’re usually more extroverted than I am and came up to talk to me about my car and we became friends after. Some I met while cycling at some routes. I’d suggest going anywhere where people gather to talk about what you like, and I agree apps don’t work.
Choose your target, then start talking with them about weather or different meaningless topics. Wait for a chance to find common enemy and bond on hatered you both share for this person. Then this newly formed closeness will spill over other areas of your relationship with this boy/girl you wanna befriend, at this point you need to seal this energy transfer with night out with a lot of vodka and gossiping. It’s basically a Slavic witchcraft but social witchcraft, not demonic. Good luck 🤞
źoliborz